All I Have Left of You Page 5

‘Maybe he’s jealous,’ Mum said.

  I stopped crying a bit. ‘What do you mean?’ I said with a big sniffle.

  ‘Maybe he’s worried that if more boys fancy you, you’ll fancy them and not him,’ she said with a small smile.

  ‘What? But, I don’t understand.’

  Mum laughed. ‘Darling, I’ve been with your dad for over twenty years, and I still don’t understand the opposite sex. Come on, let’s buy this dress and get home. I’ll make us both a hot cup of tea, and we’ll talk all about it?’ She offered me a big smile, a smile that I always found comfort in.

  I wiped my eyes and nodded, smiling back at her. ‘Okay, Mum. Thanks.’

  By the time the day of the party came around, I was feeling a little better.

  Mum had been brilliant. She’d talked through everything with me as much as I’d needed to. I’d repeated myself numerous times and asked the same questions over and over again. She’d answered them all, and when I’d run out of questions or had nothing else to say, she and my dad had told me the story of how they’d met at university when they were nineteen at a mutual friend’s party. They’d bumped into each other, literally, and my dad had spilled his drink all over my mum’s new dress. Instead of being angry with him, she’d looked deep into his blue eyes and burst out laughing. The rest, as they say, was history. I found the story incredibly romantic.

  ‘You look fantastic, sweetheart,’ Mum said with a huge grin as she set down the curling tongs. I sat at my mum’s vanity desk in my parents’ room. She’d twirled my hair into soft curls that delicately framed my face. ‘I can’t believe you’re going to your first proper party. On Valentine’s Day! You’re growing up so fast. It seems like only yesterday we brought you home for the first time.’

  I turned around in my chair. ‘Thanks, Mum,’ I said, noticing her eyes were starting to shine with tears. I laughed. ‘Oh, Mum. I might be growing up, but I’ll always be your Lina. And even when I’m in my thirties, I’ll come home all the time and ask you to make me endless cups of tea.’

  Mum laughed too. ‘Now, that, I believe!’

  ‘This is the one, Dad,’ I said as he stopped the car outside

  Luke’s house. The house was made from red brick, and all the window panes and doors were bright white. Every home on the street looked identical, with well-kept green lawns and silver and blue Ford Focuses parked on the paved driveways, the epitome of suburbia.

  ‘Right,’ he said tightly with a thin smile. I knew he was nervous about tonight. My dad had always looked out for me, had always tried to protect me from anything that might hurt me. And now that I was growing up, I got the feeling it was getting harder for him to do that.

  ‘It’ll be okay, Dad,’ I assured him, putting my hand on his shoulder. ‘It’s just a party.’

  ‘Luke’s parents, are they at home?’ he asked. His smile was so forced now that he looked a bit weird.

  I nodded. ‘I’ve heard they’re going to be upstairs watching a film in their room or something.’

  Dad nodded too, visibly relaxing a smidge, his smile becoming a little more sincere. ‘Right. Have a good time, don’t drink anything, and I’ll be here at ten-thirty to pick you up.’

  ‘Thanks, Dad. I’ll be ready, and I promise I won’t drink anything but pop.’

  ‘That’s my girl,’ he said lightly.

  I reached across to kiss him on the cheek, before unbuckling my seatbelt and climbing out of the car. I shut the door and waved to my dad, turning toward the redbrick house.

  Taking a deep breath, I headed up the stone path towards the front door. I could faintly hear the beat of music sounding from inside, and through the window of the front room, I saw a few bodies stood talking and dancing. I suddenly felt nervous, and my mum’s earlier words echoed in my head. I really was growing up, and a part of me was frightened. A part of me wanted to stay wrapped in cotton wool and ignore the fact that life was progressing.

  I took another deep breath.

  My heels clicked on the ground, and the sound made me feel grown up. It reminded me of when I was younger, maybe five or six, and I’d listen to the sound of my mum coming up the path if she’d been out shopping or something. Back then, heels were for grown-ups, something I’d had to wait to wear until I was older.

  I knocked on the door, hoping Max and Michael were already there. I didn’t know who else I would talk to, and I was planning on making amends with Michael. If the time were right, I would even tell him how I felt.

  ‘Elina Lawrence!’ Luke exclaimed when he opened the door. He was tall with jet black hair and green eyes. He also wore a pair of round spectacles and his likeness to a certain fictional wizard had earned him the nickname ‘Potter’. ‘Come on in!’

  I smiled and did as he said. ‘Hi, sorry I’m a bit late.’ The party started at seven, and it was almost a quarter past.

  Luke laughed. ‘Don’t worry; most people aren’t even here yet. Let me take your coat upstairs. There are drinks and nibbles in the kitchen and music in the front room.’

  I shrugged out of my coat, and he darted off upstairs with it, leaving me to wander into the kitchen.

  Luke had been right. There weren’t many people here yet. There were only three people in the kitchen and by the look of it, none of them knew each other that well. They were stood in a circle, making small talk about school and teachers, but now and then the conversation would die, and they’d each look to the floor, desperately trying to think of something interesting to talk about. I recognised them from around school but I’d never spoken to them, nor did I know their names.

  I smiled politely and poured some Cherry Coke into a plastic cup. The snacks and drinks were set out on the breakfast bar. There were about eight bottles of pop and a twenty-four pack of Walkers crisps. I grabbed myself a bag of Ready Salted, avoiding the stronger flavours just in case I ended up kissing Michael tonight, and headed into the living room.

  The lights were down low, and The Killers played in the background. Mr Brightside. I’d got their album for Christmas, and I didn’t think I’d ever get sick of this song.

  About ten of my peers stood in the room, talking and laughing. I scanned the small crowd for Max and Michael, and when I didn’t see them, I sat down on one of the cream leather sofas and took a long sip of my drink. I felt a bit awkward, sitting in the living room of someone I hardly knew, surrounded by people I’d barely said two words to.

  I could feel people looking at me as though wondering why I was there. I was about to grab my phone from my little clutch bag to text Max when someone sat down next to me.

  ‘Elina, hi,’ James said with what I assumed he thought was a seductive smile. He scooted close to me, and his arm rested on the back of the settee behind me. ‘I’m glad you came.’

  Hi,’ I said politely, downing another swig of Coke. I swished it around in my mouth, trying to prolong being unable to speak.

  ‘You look great,’ James said, looking me up and down. His gaze lingered too long on my chest. It made me cringe.

  The Coke had started to feel weird in my mouth, so I swallowed. ‘Thanks, you too,’ I said civilly, setting my drink on the coffee table in front of me so I could open the packet of crisps. At least if I were eating, he wouldn’t be able to try and kiss me. I’d have to take tiny bites to ensure they lasted until Max and Michael got here.

  ‘You think?’ he beamed with arrogance. ‘I wasn’t sure about the shirt. Kelly says I look good in red, but Jenny says blue brings out my eyes. What do you think?’

  I took a small bite of a huge crisp and nodded. ‘I think the blue is nice. Where are Jenny and Kelly?’ I asked, looking around. I didn’t know who they were, but maybe they’d be able to take James away from me.

  ‘Don’t worry, they’re not here yet,’ he whispered. His breath on my neck made me shudder, and not in a good way. ‘I got a new aftershave for tonight. What do you think? Do you like it?’ He shoved his neck in my face and almost took out my eye in the process.

&n
bsp; ‘I think you’re getting a bit too close,’ I snapped a little.

  He moved back slightly, but he was completely oblivious to my annoyance. ‘Sorry, was it too potent up close? Your lip balm looks nice. What flavour is it?’

  ‘Cherry,’ I answered, reaching for another crisp.

  ‘Mind if I have a taste?’ He leaned in. His pursed lips were inches away from mine, and I could tell that he’d eaten Cheese and Onion crisps.

  ‘No!’ a voice sounded over the music.

  James pulled away, and my heart lifted.

  I knew that voice. I knew it almost as well as I knew my own.

  My head swung to the door. Max and Michael stood there.

  Relief washed through me, and at the same time butterflies erupted in my tummy. My palms moistened with sweat as nerves built up inside me.

  Michael looked gorgeous. He was wearing a long-sleeved dark red shirt with stonewashed jeans. His dark, shaggy waves hung to his chin, his chocolate eyes had never looked so rich, and his lips had never looked so lush and kissable.

  Max looked equally as suave in a white shirt that emphasised the richness of his coffee-coloured skin, and his tight curls were as wild as ever.

  But Michael was the one I couldn’t stop staring at.

  And it seemed his eyes were fixed on me too. Time seemed to stop as our eyes connected, and in this crowded room, it felt like we were alone. Just the two of us.

  The corner of his mouth lifted in a smile, his eyes sparkled, and then James’s laughter started time once more.

  ‘What are you doing, Mills?’ James scoffed.

  Michael took a few steps closer to us. I saw his hands were shaking a bit. He fisted them to hide it, but it became

  even more obvious. ‘I can’t let you kiss her, James.’

  James threw back his blond head and let out a howl of laughter. ‘And who’s going to stop me? She’s with me, Mills!’

  Michael opened his mouth, but I spoke before he could. ‘I’m going to stop you!’ I said, getting to my feet.

  James smirked. ‘Come on,’ he scoffed. ‘You’d prefer him over me? Do you know how many girls would kill to be in your position right now? I’m doing you a favour.’

  My brow raised, and I found myself laughing. ‘Of course, I’d prefer him over you. Michael is sweet and kind and has always been there for me. He’s my best friend, and you’re right, I think girls would kill to be in my position but not because of you, because of Michael. And I also wouldn’t want to kiss you because your breath smells horrible.’

  At that, the room laughed, and I suddenly noticed that everyone had been watching our exchange. James’ cheeks turned a violent shade of red, and he breathed into his hand to smell his breath.

  I laughed again, and then I looked back up at Michael.

  He was grinning at me. My skin tingled as I smiled back at him.

  The song changed to American Pie by Don Mclean. Michael and I moved closer to each other.

  When we met in the centre of the room, he took my hand

  in his. My skin sang at his touch, and I was suddenly incredibly warm.

  ‘You look gorgeous, Lina. Wow,’ he said, eyes bright.

  ‘You do too,’ I replied.

  And then he pulled me closer to him with his free hand. I could smell his aftershave; it smelled like pine and vibrant green forests. He was so close that his breath was warm upon my face.

  I stared at his lips, and he stared at mine.

  The moment seemed to last forever, and finally, his soft lips touched mine.

  His kiss was gentle, his tongue slowly delving into my mouth in search of my own. His hands moved to rest at the small of my back. His touch made me tingle through the satin material, and I wrapped my arms around his neck, attempting to pull him closer even though it wasn’t physically possible. His body pressed against mine, and I never wanted to tear myself away from him. We were one now.

  All I wanted to do was kiss him and never stop.

  I’d been so nervous about my first kiss, our first kiss, but now I couldn’t think why. I’d had no idea that kissing would be so addictive, that I’d never want to stop.

  I was happier than I’d ever been.

  Michael meant so, so much to me, and he was starting to

  mean so much more.

  Chapter Six

  6th July 2019

  Time without Michael: 1 Year, 6 Months, 19 Days

  I sat on the balcony in the yellow glow of the afternoon sun, with Indie by my side, as I scrolled up and down on my laptop, looking to tick off the first item on Michael’s list.

  Take Mum to the opera.

  I recalled her mentioning one once that she was desperate to see, but for the life of me, I couldn’t remember which one it was. It was on the tip of my tongue, yet not quite fully formed. Letters and sounds were missing. So there I was, looking through lists and lists of them, hoping one of them would ring a bell. But I had my work cut out for me; I didn’t even know of any composers.

  She’d never seen one before, so I thought any would suffice, but if I wanted to do Michael’s list justice, I had to get it just right, and if that meant it’d take me all day to figure out which one it was, then so be it.

  Two hours had passed by the time I had narrowed it down to three that still didn’t sound exactly right, and my tummy rumbled. I hadn’t moved since I’d sat myself down on the balcony and my body knew it. The fourth time my stomach growled, I decided enough was enough. I stood and stretched, and my bones and muscles sang out in relief. ‘Time flies, doesn’t it, Indie? Do you want a little snack?’ Her black eyes rounded at the word and her ears perked up as she followed me through the glass doors back inside the apartment.

  The sun had made me sleepy, and I couldn’t be bothered to make anything proper, so I toasted two slices of white bread, smothered them with butter and pate, and poured myself a glass of ice-cold Coke. I cut off a few slices of cheese for Indie, and when she’d demolished them in three seconds flat, she looked up at me for more, tongue hanging from between her toothy grin.

  ‘No, Indie,’ I laughed. ‘It’ll be time for your dinner soon.’

  Indie whimpered lightly and lay down on the floor, licking the surface as if looking with her tongue for remnants of cheese.

  That dog never failed to make me smile.

  I patted her on the head and headed back outside to finally book something for Lydia and me, but when I saw the time in the corner of my laptop screen, I gasped.

  It was half-past four in the afternoon!

  Roanna and Kit were coming over in an hour and a half, and I was supposed to be making them a meal. I hurriedly

  shut my laptop down and dashed inside to shower.

  Once beneath the hot cascade of water, I realised I hadn’t been wearing sun cream and my skin burned. I yelped and cooled down the temperature, chastising myself for being so foolish. For some reason, I never thought about putting on sun cream in England; it was so rare it was actually hot enough.

  When I looked in the mirror once I’d climbed out of the shower, I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. My nose was bright red and my forehead shone like a berry. I’d been wearing shorts and a t-shirt, and the tops of my arms were white while the rest of them were cherry tomato red.

  I thought about trying to cover the redness on my face with makeup, but I’d need a litre of green concealer to cover that mess, so instead, I lathered myself in some Aloe Vera cream, hoping it would stop the searing pain for at least a couple of hours.

  Once the cream had more or less dried, I attempted to get dressed, but I only managed to get my jeans halfway up my thighs before I screamed out in agony. Trousers were a no, I decided then. So instead, I pulled out a periwinkle blue maxi dress that unfortunately showcased my farmer tan in all its glory.

  By the time I’d got showered and dressed, there was no time to cook the meal I’d planned, so I got started on a Gr-

  -eek salad instead. The seafood risotto would have to wait until
tomorrow night.

  Twenty minutes later, there was a knock at the door and I cursed; my guests chose tonight of all nights to arrive early.

  Roanna burst out laughing the second I opened the door. ‘What the hell happened to you?’ she asked in between breathless laughs.

  ‘The sun’s been out today. Take a wild guess,’ I said sardonically.

  ‘You look like Rudolph!’ she guffawed.

  ‘Yes. Yes, I forgot to put on sun cream, and it’s very, very funny, so can you please get all the laughter out of the way now so we can have a nice evening?’

  Roanna nodded, clutching her stomach. ‘Yes. But give me five more minutes.’

  ‘Did Kit not come with you?’ I asked Roanna as I poured us both a glass of white wine once she’d finally stopped laughing at my sunburn.

  ‘No, she’s been at couple’s therapy with Pete. They’re just talking some things over and then she’s coming,’ Roanna replied, taking a sip of wine. And then she smirked. ‘Shall we take these out to the balcony or have

  you had a bit too much sun today?’

  I let out a light laugh. So much for her laughter stopping. ‘I think I might have had a bit much, but I can sit in the shade if you want to go out?’

  Roanna shook her head. ‘It’s fine. The settee looks comfortable enough.’ She made her way to the sofa and nestled herself in my favourite spot right in the corner of the ‘L’ shape. I never got to sit in that spot when guests came over.

  ‘What do you think about Pete cheating?’ I asked as I joined her. I crossed my legs beneath me and took a sip of wine. It was cool and crisp against my tongue.

  Roanna shrugged. ‘I don’t know. I mean, I do think Pete is sorry. I know I tried to make it work with Eric after he cheated but I just don’t know how you build the trust back up after that. You saw me. I was terrible. I was constantly asking where he’d been, thinking every beep of his phone was a naked picture of some skank or something.’ She sighed. ‘In the end, I decided I loved me more than I loved him and I left. And it didn’t help that every beep of his phone was a picture of some skank’s boobs. But as Kit said, it’s a different situation. I don’t think Pete is like that wanker, Eric.’